Metropolis

During the shenanigans of the STAPLE! trip we made a pit stop at the Alamo Drafthouse to see WATCHMEN.

First, let me immerse you in the atmosphere that is the Drafthouse. There are a few across Texas, but its heart is always in Austin. I’ll admit being an Austin girl I’m a little biased towards the city, but even if you hate hipsters, Indie music, and everything Austin is; you’ll love the Drafthouse.

They have tons of specialty shows and events, great food and dozens of beer on tap. The only way this theater could be better is if they had a theater set aside for those of us who wish to smoke, but we can only dream since Austin is on the verge of tar and feathering smokers.

So the crew of Metropolis, cold Lone Stars in hand, sat down to watch WATCHMEN (you see what I did there?) and eat good food.

The food was great, the movie not so much.

I read WATCHMEN the first time about six months ago. I borrowed a copy from Padawan (which I still haven’t given back) and took my time reading it. My parents are big on Agatha Christie books and films, so I dived into the mystery aspect of the story quickly. I also have been a huge scifi and superhero nerd all of my life, so this book quickly grabbed my interests.

I couldn’t wait for the movie to come out after I’d finished it.

In my mind when a book gets adapted to film it’s basically the writer/director sharing how they saw they story, and that’s interesting. Questions are immediately raised; what storylines to cut? What characters to me are the leads? Do I push this character to the limit of who he is?

Zach Snyder, must have either not understood WATCHMEN or didn’t care enough to try and see past the superhero-beats-crap-outta-man aspects.

In short the movie was lacking.

I’ve talked to friends who have never read the book and loved it. Some couldn’t get the feel of the world. Which is one of the first things you learn reading the book.

This is a world where every person on the planet is highly aware that doom might be around the corner. Snyder made a basic mistake of telling not showing this level of desperation in the world. It’s not an easy task, Moore is a master story teller for being able to set this mood in the book, and Snyder simply fell short.

One thing that most can agree upon is the opening credits.

This helps tell a lot about the characters, you get back-story; you get glimpses at the characters. It establishes early that the Comedian is a heartless bastard, Sally Jupiter is a press whore, and Doc Manhattan is a force of nature. Good job Zach.

But here’s where I have mixed feelings on the characters.

Doc Manhattan and Rorschach were perfectly portrayed by Billy Crudup and Jackie Earle Haley, spot on for who they are in the books. Patrick Wilson did a fair job as Night Owl, although he could’ve pushed being more pudgy and more of a dweeb. Matthew Goode, who has been in several period films, could’ve pushed being the dick that is Adrian Veidt. When reading the book you know this guy sees himself as a living god, and I didn’t get much god from Goode. Jeffrey Dean Morgan, while very hot in real life, just shot and raped things. But the one that got on my nerves the most was Laurie Jupiter. And the blame can be put on both Zach Snyder and Malin Akerman.

Akerman was stiff, didn’t understand her character and all around just a pair of tits to stare at. I mostly blame Snyder since he took the Laurie character and basically made her the lead. She struck me as an important minor character in the book. Yes, she’s supposed to represent the A-Typical female comic book character who is there to represent tits and ass, but Snyder tried to force her into a lead role where she doesn’t belong.

Put this in with the slow-motion actions scenes and a revolting rape scene, and this movie will turn a fan’s stomach in a heartbeat. I know that both of these elements are in the book but in no way are they portrayed this graphically.

But this movie wasn’t made to make us happy. It very rarely ever is.

I was a little saddened that they cut the monster, but a giant laser is more impressive into today’s world and fits in with the ending of blaming Manhattan; since most who see him think blue laser dude. However, the last ten minutes of this movie insulted my intelligence even if I hadn’t read the book. And you should be offended too America.

Wait, you mean millions of people dyeing is a bad thing?!

Oh thanks Zach Snyder for allowing over acting and beating the shit outta someone to explain that to me. That’s also ignoring the OTP that is Night Owl and Rorschach. Cause yeah I ship it. Shut up.

So even if you haven’t read the book, the last ten minutes should’ve at the very least left a bad taste in your mouth.

Overall, it’s a fun action movie if that’s all you want when you spend 8 bucks.

Just don’t take your significant others to see it if you wanna get laid anytime soon.

2/5   SarahBear Stars